Meet the moms’s fucked up life….

Meet the moms’s fucked up life….

I am not from a child of a loving home. I didn’t have two parents who loved me and scooped me up in their arms and kissed my fears away. When I was 6 and terrified of a shadow on the second floor of our apartment I didn’t have a father who shooed my fears away explaining that it was only the trees and wind making it look so menacing. I had a father that screamed to me that no one could get to me…

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Jump in blind, I will catch you every time.

Jump in blind, I will catch you every time.

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Today, oh how do I describe today? Wake up, shower, dressed, board meeting, left early (migraine), home, complete meltdown from Ryan. Meltdowns are not new and they are not uncommon but no two are ever alike. One day one is about something major, that he can’t explain, and another is about being tired or anger or something else he can’t explain. The level of which he “hates” what is going on…

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Fight like your kid has cancer, donate like they will have cancer and raise awareness like it could be your child next.

Fight like your kid has cancer, donate like they will have cancer and raise awareness like it could be your child next.

Watch, let the reality of childhood cancer soak into your brain. Let it change you. Then get angry and fight for these kids. Fight for their future. Fight because you were once a child and you were given the gift of growing up.

-7 kids die a day from cancer

-46 more are diagnosed

-3.8% of federal funding goes to children

-$192.4 million dollars are devoted to childhood cancer, over a billion…

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Life is tough when a wolf is your spirit animal

Life is tough when a wolf is your spirit animal

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That is how I feel about Ryan, not just myself. I feel like I focus on my pain and my frustration because it is the easiest to connect too but I am not the only one in pain. Ryan has to feel like his world is upside down with every step he takes. Since he has had his seizure every part of his life has escalated.  From his anger to his hurt feelings, to his hunger to his thirst. Everything is…

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I love you and that will always be enough to fix this.

I love you and that will always be enough to fix this.

unnamed (14)Tonight I am defeated, just a lump on the bathroom floor choking on my own tears while softly lit by an owl nightlight. How did I get here? It all begins with Ryan winning a goldfish at a carnival. Just a two-inch long goldfish in a small bowl with rocks. We just had to drive home with said goldfish. Every bump in the road invoked a fear in Ryan that was palpable. “Don’t turn so hard! He’s going…

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One step forward, ten steps to the shower to hold your raging child as he can’t snap out of the anger.

One step forward, ten steps to the shower to hold your raging child as he can’t snap out of the anger.

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Just as the sun was rising on a change in Ryan it has all fallen apart in the most spectacular fashion. In a way that goes on for hours and ends with him and I in the shower (fully clothed) with me begging him to just look at me. Once he looks at me he will calm down, to get him to look at me???…..whole other story. This anger is not who he is. It does not define him but every now and then…

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